Body image

I've gotta say this because it drives me crazy. I've had pretty serious body dimorphism since after my 3rd kid was born. Throughout high school and the couple years after, I was relatively thin. Like wore a size 5 (probably smaller if I didn't have a butt), weighed btwn 115 and 125, and nearly 5'8". A year ago when I started working out I was pushing a size 16!! And weighed about 195lbs! I didn't realize I was gaining so much weight until Christmas when I realized I was clearly bigger than everyone else in photos. I cried a lot about and decided to make a change. While I've lost 15ish lbs(doesn't seem like a lot I know but I've got some muscle to show for it) I still have huge issues with how I look. For example, when I stand you can clearly see that I have some abs and even have a decent set of obliques which I didn't even know what those were for a long long time. However, when my mother of 4 body which had gotten over 230lbs with its last pregnancy, sits down, it looks like I overly indulge in cake, chips, soda...crap. But I don't. I won't lie, I'm not perfect, I enjoy my treats, but I have my limits and I don't pig out. I actually eat relatively well, and eat clean probably 75% of the time. But I tell ya, the sag is just gonna be there. And honestly, even if I lose what I want to I don't foresee it going anywhere. I hate it. Ab and core work does do a lot for you but when I get to 160 like I want, that will be a 70+lb weight loss, I can't imagine things will look better for me when I sit. Maybe I just need to stand for the rest of my life because if I hate how I look in photos I can't imagine what I look like irl....and then again, maybe Im mental and look great to the general population?!

I've posted a couple of pics to give an example. These are post breakfast so I'm a little full but you get the idea.

Busted Can of Biscuits...

No I mean canned biscuit donuts!!! If you don't know, I tend to be a bit overly nostalgic (like seriously I have things that were my great grandmas and display them! Lol) anyhow, I woke up this morning earlier than normal and laid in bed for quite awhile before little bit came and crawled in next to me. When he asked me to get up an make him breakfast I was hesitant because I haven't gone shopping and all there was was Cheerios which he has to be sick of! Then I remembered the can of biscuits in the fridge that I didn't have any real intention for so donuts it was! Now I tell you, if you tell a 3 yr old you are going to make him donuts he expects them to appear out of thin air, the patience to wait for them to fry does not exist at this point! Ha! Anyhow so I make them the way my Aunt Jeanie always did when we stayed at her house as kids, minus the fry daddy that I don't own simply because my life would become a fry fest if I did lol.
So if you've never made these here's the deal, get out your cast iron skillet (or fry daddy if you have one) and get that oil nice and hot. While that's going on open that lonely can of biscuits (the smaller ones work best and cook better in a skillet) and poke/tear holes in the center of the biscuits and prep a bowl of cinnamon/sugar (about 1/2 cup for a can). When the oil gets hot turn it down quite a bit for a minute or so and then place your bisquits in the oil (otherwise you cook the outside too quick and the inside is mushy) if you use a fry daddy I say keep it at a medium heat. If you use the grands biscuits try to flatten them before putting them in your skillet so they cook through. Flip them when you see brown coming up the edges. Remove and let sit on a couple paper towels to soak up some oil then toss in your cinnamon and sugar when they cool a bit. Voila! Finished! Everyone will love them and its like a $2 breakfast!

Need a break from reality...

Today I'm struggling with exhaustion, knowing its because I'm staying up too late watching reruns of "House" on Netflix, but I also know I'm not eating very well either. Actually damn near eating nothing which isn't healthy I know but that's what summer does too me...oh well.

I'm also struggling with the whole sahm mom thing. Its wearing me down to the core this summer. I'm busier than ever with my photography and still have 450 photos to go through for the wedding earlier this month, as well as a 2yr shoot, AND being a mom. I'm doing OK on the mom part except I yell too much. Working from home is so frustrating, you don't get anything done! Between feeding these yay-hoos and them asking to go swimming every 5 minutes or fighting over logos...ya...
At the same time my role as a wife is just in shambles. Not happy means husbands not getting any "nookie" so he's not happy either. But he's not really trying to make things better other than being mad that I'm working and not hanging out with him. Sorry dude, being a mom all day is wearing me out. Being cook and disciplinarian while you sit at the computer doing whatever it is you're doing isn't cool either. So if I hide myself away to do things I need to do you can't be mad at me, its not any different if we both worked outside the house on different shifts. Oy! Really do men not get this? I feel like the long talk last night about it all didn't help so I guess the cycle will continue for a few weeks till kids go back to school because I apparently don't know how to balance my life out right now... 

Socially Acceptable B.S.

I don't understand adult friendships...in highschool you got in an argument, were mad, got over it and were friends again.You actually hung out with friends, you had to respond to them because you saw them every day, you couldn't ignore them, and you excepted their other friendships and relationships but still valued the one between you and said person. As an adult you have friendships, you get in a discussion on Facebook, no less, and then they ignore you and the friendship dies because you can't see that person anymore and remember why you were friends in the first place.  And while you can still except new relationships and friendships formed you are no longer forced to remain close friends because your friendship is solely based on the next time you see each other. Sadly, fb is the only way I still have 90% of my friends. Partly because I moved 2hours away, partly because I had 4 children before i was even 27, and at the same time its because FB exists and it makes it so that that's all our friendships need to be. I'll be the first to admit I suck at calling anyone just to say "hey", always have been, but I'm working on it because once fb is gone we'll all be friendless. We don't know how else to be friends besides sharing our life stories and posting pics of our kids, pets, and food with everyone we may have met once last year. (Do not accept friend requests from people you don't know, its weird, creepy, and watch Catfish, you'll get it). Fb sucks. As a business owner I mean both their reach and their friendship destroying powers suck!