Only YOU Can Define Yourself

I'm gonna start this off talking about myself. After which I will rant about educating yourself before making some ridiculous comment about fitness.

About myself: I'm a quitter, I admit it. After 15 incredibly strong days of doing Asylum, including maxing myself out with a horrendous cold, I quit. And I'll tell you, it's not because of the difficulty, I thoroughly enjoyed that challenge, every day that I got to the end I applauded myself because that is an amazingly intense program! But it's also intense on my joints. Plyo is not for me, I have plantar's fascitis, so I can't wear shoes while I work out, really kills my feet, and being bare foot and not having that cushion however was really killing my ankles and knees, no matter how much "cushion" I gave myself for jumping. All of this ON TOP OF living on the second floor, and having to modify a lot, unable to land properly or jump as high, I just wasn't doing the program to the fullest and wasn't getting what I wanted out of it. I will say that I lost 2lbs and 1.5" in my waist in two weeks, not a huge amount, I wasn't eating the best, but it's something, and I'll take it. 

Right now I'm trying to decided if I want to spend the money on purchasing Hammer & Chisel, and signing up as a Beachbody Coach again. I figure I take enough photos of myself and talk about my journey that I might as well make some moola off of it ;) Until then, I'll continue doing the Challenge Du Jour on Beachbody on Demand. 

On to other people...IF you have made every excuse in the world to NOT get off of your butt, get up and do 10 jumping jacks, 10 squats, 10 forward lunges on each leg, and 5 pushups. I don't care how long that takes you, just do it because I'm not letting you make any more excuses today! ESPECIALLY if those excuses are about genetics. Genetics don't define you anymore than the scale defines me. Here's what I have for genetics: In my dad's family every woman is obese, every single one. If you are blood related and a woman in my family, genetics says you will be obese. Doesn't mean I love them any less, or judge them by any means of course, but genetics DON'T define me. I could sit around and let that so called gene take over my life, but I don't, can't, WON'T.  At the same time, my mom's father was obese when he died, and was always "big boned" for the 21 years I knew him.  While I do have his big thighs, I won't let being genetically disposed to such things bring me down. What I will do is work with it. If you're predisposed to being overweight or "big boned" (which is not a real thing by the way) work with what your momma gave ya! Skinny? Eat more and lift weights. You'll probably always be thin, but muscle is going to look good on you. "Big boned", stocky? Genetics WILL shape your bone structure, if you have broad shoulders, wide hips, etc, that is genetics, but being FAT is not. You can however burn off the fan and add some lean muscle so that your body is strong enough to maintain the bone structure you were given and you'll look amazing even if you're not a size 2.
There's not a person in the world who doesn't want to change themselves. The people who say they don't are lying. If you wake up every day and put make up on, you want to change yourself. If you wake up and stand on a scale, you want to change yourself. If you go shopping for a new wardrobe, YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOURSELF. Every body has something they want changed, and most of us change the easy things first. But if you want to change your body composition you will have to WORK for it. Diet pills, shakes, etc, those only truly work once you've put the effort in to keep the weight off. Anyone can lose weight replacing 400cal meals with 100cal shakes, but once you've gotten down to your ideal weight how do you plan to keep it off? You'll either workout(should've done that to begin with), you'll gain it all back because you started eating again, or you'll continue to buy into these gimics and waste money on trying to maintain an actually unhealthy lifestyle, aka starvation.
Stop finding a reason to not work out, even if its just the little set I put up above, moving yourself is better than vegging out in front of the tv. You have the time, the tv will always be there, DVR exists, Netflix exists, you will always have time, you just have to interrupt your lazy mindset for a few minutes to half an hour a day, and get it done. HALF an hour out of 24! I work a full time job, come home to cook dinner for 6, do homework with kids, and workout. I still end up with a few hours to myself to catch up on Netflix. You have time, just get it done.

You are the only person who can define yourself. Your genetic make up means nothing other than the structure your body will take on once you start taking care of it. You're not destined to be overweight unless that's the life you live. And you're not destined to remain skinny, unless that's what you want to be. We create our own lives, no one else does. 

Week 1 of Insanity: The Asylum

Well I've officially made it to day 7 with only taking scheduled breaks. There's been quite a few days this last week in which I've attempted to make up some excuse to not work out, I always do. I haven't though, I've come home from work and started dinner and either worked out while it was cooking or waited until we were done eating to workout (huge mistake if you have reflux like I do). There's still a lot of modifying on my end, partly due to living on the second floor and not being able to do a lot of the vertical plyo moves, partly because I simply don't have that kind of endurance yet...all in good time I suppose.
I've set a couple of goals for myself this week, one being working out per the schedule and two being to only step on the scale once a week. I put it away and looked at it many times over the last few days because I've relied on the number so much in the last year that it's gonna be a hard habit to break. But I dragged it out this morning and I'm only down 1 lb, in the past I'd have sat here and been frustrated because all of the work I've put in this week has only moved that scale one measly pound, so I grabbed the measuring tape and wrapped it around my waist (I always measure right at my belly button fyi) and it was down 1.25 inches! that's huge! That means that my efforts this week were not wasted, my body is changing despite the gravitational pull, and I need to continue to trust the process. I'm one of those people who can easily gain muscle, generally the only way I actually lose significant amounts of weight is when I don't workout and just eat low calories, which I HATE! I like food too much to watch my calories and how much I'm eating. I'd much prefer to lose weight slowly, be able to eat, and feel better physically because my muscles are strong enough to support me during every day activities. Another benefit of this week's continual workouts/follow the schedule, is I'm happy. There are days when I'm frustrated with work, the kids, the husband, etc, but working out is the biggest therapy! I can't tell you how much better I feel once I've worked out my frustration(literally) and yelled at ShaunT a few times in 45-50 minutes, seriously! (and sorry ShaunT)
If you've read this post I want you to walk away with two things in your mind, ONE: Don't rely on that scale, if you MUST stand on it, schedule a date in which you do, even if it moves half a pound, its still progress. When you stand on it multiple times a week your weight is going to change, its gonna go up and down depending on water intake, your last bowl movement, and even weather.  TWO: Get it done, you're going to show up every day because your brain tells you it need to, your body is going to ache and hurt and tell you "NO MORE!!" but if you want to make changes to yourself the only way that will happen is if you follow what your head says you want.

Long Time No Blog

As I sat at work today, watching the hours slowly widdle away, I realized it's been a year since the last time I blogged anything. This in turn has lead to me not being able to express anything other than through Facebook, and I'm so over that! Anyhow, for my first post of 2016 I figured I'd lay tribute to the year before, a little recap shall we say...

 The beginning of the year was quite uneventful and i just lived day to day, picking up photoshoots (quite a few babies, including a hospital birth), and going about my normal mom duties. In March the car decided to nearly blow up, forcing us to trade it in before it was paid off and purchasing another used vehicle, nearly doubling payments, fun times...Luck turned and I started working again, actually working with Josh as a receptionist for the company. Its a pretty simple job but it definitely helps to have it and finally contribute to the house despite paying for daycare. And I'm still able to pick up a photoshoot here and there while working full time. I've lost a bit of focus on the photo business, which is totally over populated anyways so I'm not too upset. Teagan ended up running the Mayor's Run last spring as well and finished in less than 8min! The summer was spent working so that was hard for me, I kept dreaming of days lounging around with the kids vs. sitting in an office and missing the hours home with the older kids (E being at daycare).

But I survived and I lived for the long weekends, including spending a whole weekend with just Teagan back in Fullerton, dragging along her best friend to spend the weekend getting sunburnt on the air boat. Josh fell and nearly broke a foot on 4th of July out at his uncle's cabin, we rushed 40min away to the hospital and it turned out to be just a severe sprain, 2 weeks of him being helpless and on crutches, me doing double parent duty of course. It wasn't easy, glad it wasn't an actually break!                  Then school came around again, Teagan 4th, Maddox 3rd, and Cohen 1st grade. Teagan lucked out and got the same awesome teacher she had last year and she started playing Cello with her great aunt Jeanni being her music teacher. She's pretty flipping good at it too! We spent Halloween back in Fullerton, seemed to us that it was the safest and funnest place would could  be and the in-laws were leaving a couple weeks from then so we wanted to spend some time with them before they went to the Philippines for a few months. For Thanksgiving the kids and I went to Texas to visit my grandma. I endured hours of car sick kids, two bouts of Eyan puking on himself, resulting in cleaning the car seat inside and out once I finally arrived that evening, and then it rained the entire time I was there. Probably the worst trip I've ever taken but the time with my grandma was well worth it. We got to Christmas, pretty uneventful, other than the work Christmas party, which was a blast, the people we work with are just awesome. And then New Year's day was spent at home with the kids. We watched movies and binged on Netflix after the tree was down and the Christmas decor was put away.


And there we have it, my pretty uninteresting 2015, here's too keeping up with the blog long enough to actually remember the events of 2016!

Body image

I've gotta say this because it drives me crazy. I've had pretty serious body dimorphism since after my 3rd kid was born. Throughout high school and the couple years after, I was relatively thin. Like wore a size 5 (probably smaller if I didn't have a butt), weighed btwn 115 and 125, and nearly 5'8". A year ago when I started working out I was pushing a size 16!! And weighed about 195lbs! I didn't realize I was gaining so much weight until Christmas when I realized I was clearly bigger than everyone else in photos. I cried a lot about and decided to make a change. While I've lost 15ish lbs(doesn't seem like a lot I know but I've got some muscle to show for it) I still have huge issues with how I look. For example, when I stand you can clearly see that I have some abs and even have a decent set of obliques which I didn't even know what those were for a long long time. However, when my mother of 4 body which had gotten over 230lbs with its last pregnancy, sits down, it looks like I overly indulge in cake, chips, soda...crap. But I don't. I won't lie, I'm not perfect, I enjoy my treats, but I have my limits and I don't pig out. I actually eat relatively well, and eat clean probably 75% of the time. But I tell ya, the sag is just gonna be there. And honestly, even if I lose what I want to I don't foresee it going anywhere. I hate it. Ab and core work does do a lot for you but when I get to 160 like I want, that will be a 70+lb weight loss, I can't imagine things will look better for me when I sit. Maybe I just need to stand for the rest of my life because if I hate how I look in photos I can't imagine what I look like irl....and then again, maybe Im mental and look great to the general population?!

I've posted a couple of pics to give an example. These are post breakfast so I'm a little full but you get the idea.

Busted Can of Biscuits...

No I mean canned biscuit donuts!!! If you don't know, I tend to be a bit overly nostalgic (like seriously I have things that were my great grandmas and display them! Lol) anyhow, I woke up this morning earlier than normal and laid in bed for quite awhile before little bit came and crawled in next to me. When he asked me to get up an make him breakfast I was hesitant because I haven't gone shopping and all there was was Cheerios which he has to be sick of! Then I remembered the can of biscuits in the fridge that I didn't have any real intention for so donuts it was! Now I tell you, if you tell a 3 yr old you are going to make him donuts he expects them to appear out of thin air, the patience to wait for them to fry does not exist at this point! Ha! Anyhow so I make them the way my Aunt Jeanie always did when we stayed at her house as kids, minus the fry daddy that I don't own simply because my life would become a fry fest if I did lol.
So if you've never made these here's the deal, get out your cast iron skillet (or fry daddy if you have one) and get that oil nice and hot. While that's going on open that lonely can of biscuits (the smaller ones work best and cook better in a skillet) and poke/tear holes in the center of the biscuits and prep a bowl of cinnamon/sugar (about 1/2 cup for a can). When the oil gets hot turn it down quite a bit for a minute or so and then place your bisquits in the oil (otherwise you cook the outside too quick and the inside is mushy) if you use a fry daddy I say keep it at a medium heat. If you use the grands biscuits try to flatten them before putting them in your skillet so they cook through. Flip them when you see brown coming up the edges. Remove and let sit on a couple paper towels to soak up some oil then toss in your cinnamon and sugar when they cool a bit. Voila! Finished! Everyone will love them and its like a $2 breakfast!

Need a break from reality...

Today I'm struggling with exhaustion, knowing its because I'm staying up too late watching reruns of "House" on Netflix, but I also know I'm not eating very well either. Actually damn near eating nothing which isn't healthy I know but that's what summer does too me...oh well.

I'm also struggling with the whole sahm mom thing. Its wearing me down to the core this summer. I'm busier than ever with my photography and still have 450 photos to go through for the wedding earlier this month, as well as a 2yr shoot, AND being a mom. I'm doing OK on the mom part except I yell too much. Working from home is so frustrating, you don't get anything done! Between feeding these yay-hoos and them asking to go swimming every 5 minutes or fighting over logos...ya...
At the same time my role as a wife is just in shambles. Not happy means husbands not getting any "nookie" so he's not happy either. But he's not really trying to make things better other than being mad that I'm working and not hanging out with him. Sorry dude, being a mom all day is wearing me out. Being cook and disciplinarian while you sit at the computer doing whatever it is you're doing isn't cool either. So if I hide myself away to do things I need to do you can't be mad at me, its not any different if we both worked outside the house on different shifts. Oy! Really do men not get this? I feel like the long talk last night about it all didn't help so I guess the cycle will continue for a few weeks till kids go back to school because I apparently don't know how to balance my life out right now... 

Socially Acceptable B.S.

I don't understand adult friendships...in highschool you got in an argument, were mad, got over it and were friends again.You actually hung out with friends, you had to respond to them because you saw them every day, you couldn't ignore them, and you excepted their other friendships and relationships but still valued the one between you and said person. As an adult you have friendships, you get in a discussion on Facebook, no less, and then they ignore you and the friendship dies because you can't see that person anymore and remember why you were friends in the first place.  And while you can still except new relationships and friendships formed you are no longer forced to remain close friends because your friendship is solely based on the next time you see each other. Sadly, fb is the only way I still have 90% of my friends. Partly because I moved 2hours away, partly because I had 4 children before i was even 27, and at the same time its because FB exists and it makes it so that that's all our friendships need to be. I'll be the first to admit I suck at calling anyone just to say "hey", always have been, but I'm working on it because once fb is gone we'll all be friendless. We don't know how else to be friends besides sharing our life stories and posting pics of our kids, pets, and food with everyone we may have met once last year. (Do not accept friend requests from people you don't know, its weird, creepy, and watch Catfish, you'll get it). Fb sucks. As a business owner I mean both their reach and their friendship destroying powers suck!