Photo-blog post

Im sooooo sooo soo excited to finally have a new camera, an actual dslr and not a freakin Coolpix with no sort of manual settings. I ended up with a Nikon D3100, just because its ridiculous to spend $100 more just to have more megapixels that I don't currently really need. It probably makes it better that I've done the research and learned a ton of things before buying one otherwise I would be completely intimidated and only use the auto settings which work for some things sure but really knowing your manual settings will produce much better photos. For instance, when I do close ups of products for Navillus Creations (www.facebook.com/navilluscreations) I try to set it to A so that I can control the f-stop which will give me that blurred back groud/clear foreground look. However when I wanted to take pictures of the snow falling today I set it to S to control the shutter speed and actually catch some of the snow flakes falling in the photo (it took me a while to figure this out, if it says its to bright, it's too bright, it will NOT take a picture). On another note, I love taking pics of my kids. I use Microsoft Digital Image Suite 2006 (super old I know) because my uber awesome inlaws let me use their copy which they use in their own PRO-photography pictures. Id like to get Elements soon just because it has features the outdated program I have doesn't and some of the features work way better and take a lot less time. Anyhow, here's some recent pics I've taken and edited in the last couple days, yes they're of my kids, and I'm obsessed with them all :) Got Some of Teagan reading today which turned out super cute but have to edit it a little before posting. With luck I'll have a part time gig with photography by this summer. Have a family shoot in the works as soon as it gets a little warmer out for one of my oldest and best friends. And another next month for Navillus Creations because I desperately need images of photo props since no one ever returns images after I send them $40 in retail worth of items...GRRR!! But yea, we'll see, itd be nice just to start making a someone steady income in the near future.

He has underwear on his head and over his pants, thanks daddy.

you'd think he was stressed over coloring lol

no mommy, no I did not just steal more licorice.
Actually Teagan was twirling around in the background of this one, cant tell can ya?!

What Maddox does best...eat

this was a super dark photo so when I took the shadowing out it looked funny
I think the lower saturation made it turn out pretty well though :)

my love bug, he's so cute

this is the "I ate it, now what?!" look

2013 book list

Yes I'm already starting a book list for the year ;) I'm on my second book and already 70% done with it (its really good). I have a bunch to get through this year so here it goes. Dates denote when I finished them and I'll update as I go along.

Game of Thrones (book4)-1/17
A Lucky Child by Thomas Buergenthal-1/18 (yes I read this 200+page book in one day!! I love history and this was a very compelling story)
The Post Card Killers-James Patterson 1/22 (I usually don't care for his writing but it was pretty good, if that's wasn't obvious by how quickly I read it)
The Rain Maker by John Grisham 2/7(good read, the end seemed rushed and I didn't like it, but a good read)
Against Medical Advice-James Patterson 2/10 (an autobiography of sorts. Great story about a boy living with Tourette's. loved it!)
Pillars of the Earth-Ken Follett
Game of Thrones book -end of July
World Without End

I should be a librarian

Seriously...I have so many books. They're all arranged by genre, author, size sometimes, but rarely in alphabetical order. I just brought home my dads books and his very nice book shelf that looks fantastic in my dining room and will look even better when we get our new table and chairs. Anyhow I remembered that last year I was going to make a list of everything I read, I didn't do that but since I keep all my books anyhow I have the reference. So here's my book list of 2013, the *denotes my favorites, and these are in no particular order, except for the most part I read any series together if all the books are out...
The Hunger Games series*
The Constant Princess
The Boleyn Inheritance
The Other Queen
The Autobiography of King Henry VII*
Little Women
The 2nd and 3rd books of the Immortal Series*
Game of Thrones 1-3*
The Testament
Queen by Right*(any of Anne Easter Smiths books are wonderfully written)
The Summer Garden*(3rd in a trilogy by Paullina Simmons, love them all)

That's only 16 books and I think there may be a couple others on my nook that I read too but it's dead so I'll have to charge it up to see. But still, 16 books, at least 4 of those are around 1,000 pages so I think I read an impressive amount for owning a business, being a mom of 4, moving, having my dad pass away, and only reading for an hour a night.
I'm starting the year off by reading the fourth Game of Thrones books, it's kind of slow going compared to the last but I'm more than half through it. After that I'll start on my dads massive collection which is mostly James Patterson and John Grisham.

These pictures are the bigger bookshelves I have and don contain the medical and parenting books I have as well as any that I have up on my nightstand.

New lunch item

First lets say my goal this year is to do more...work out more(eat less lol), coupon and save money more, and BLOG more. I have so much to blog about I just don't, moving right before the holidays and have a big family probably doesn't help that...
Anyhow today marks day 12 that my kids haven't been in school, means there's been 12 days of "what am I going to make for lunch?" Everyone is worn out on frozen pizza, chicken nuggets, and sandwiches so I called up (texted) my dear friend Sarah who's a daycare provider/child guru and asked her for something. She had told me about the bake before and of course it was on a "mommy's night out" so I couldn't remember lol. This is how she has it: Jiffy cornbread, 1 can of corn(don't drain), 2cups of shredded cheddar, and 1 egg. Combine and sprinkle some cut up hotdogs on top. The. put in a 9x9 pan and bake at 350 for 30min(give or take). I only had about a cup and a half of Monterey Jack so I used that and added some salt and pepper. And I had about 4 hotdogs left from a few weeks ago when I made pigs-in-a-blanket (blog about it later), 4 seemed to work out and didn't over do it (4 kids, 4 hotdogs :))


*ok edit, I had to cook this for 45 minutes but the kids loved it! The boys had 2 helpings, and yes I ate some too cuz it smelled so yummy!

(Excuse the quality phone picture I have here)

Paranoid me

So I'm a little freakish...ok maybe a lot freakish. I don't really know why or how this started, and maybe it's always been this way. I mean I did cry every first day of school until 2nd grade, so yea it's probably just a life long thing. Anyhow let's list the ways I'm a little...abnormal...1) I hate going anywhere I won't know someone. This includes job interviews, craft fairs, classes, kids school(getting better about this), sometimes doctors offices, baby showers, weddings(the last two I usually only know the host and that freaks me out, who am I gonna talk to?!), and probably many other places. 2)I HATE calling businesses, customer support I'm usually ok, calling a lawyer, setting up services like electricity, or asking about a bill, sometimes calling the doctor for an appointment if I don't really know if it's necessary, things like that. I sometimes make josh call kids in sick to school because I get nervous to do it myself, like I'll get in trouble...it's weird I know! 3) I fear letting my kids play outside alone. Deathly afraid of it. The oldest is almost 7, I played outside by myself at that age, crossed the street, etc...not my kids. If I can't see them out the window I go on a hunt. Who know what will happen?! 4) I fear people in general, anywhere from the maintenance guy to the parks and rec people. If I'm alone with the kids and I'm afraid someone will attack me leave my kids stranded and alone. Better yet, I'm afraid they'll take my kid while my back is turned and I won't be able to catch them. my doors are always locked, which actually didn't start till Josh started saying something about it. Now I'm afraid someone will walk in while I'm in the bathroom or something. I'm crazy..maybe...I don't know, I don't watch the news because it's always bad, not do I read the paper. And the only articles I do read are when people post them on fb usually those are horror stories of some sort too. I only really watch sci-fy or doctor shows so I know it doesnt stem from that. I don't know, paranoid, delusional, it's something weird. Josh laughs at me which doesnt help. But honestly, if this world wasnt so f*d up maybe some of my fears would be non existent. The phone call thing...I don't know how to get over that. I'll probably just stay crazy :). Am I the only weirdo out there? Oh here's some cute pics from the park yesterday in which I thought the parks and rec guy might decide to suffocate us with the trash bags he was using to change the trash cans...yea I'm paranoid!

Eating healthy?!

I really struggle with weight, not maintaining it, I can maintain my semi unhealthy status all on my own, but losing it is a struggle. I literally have to work out every day for 45 minutes a day, eat 1200 calories or less and absolutely no sugar for a week just to lose a couple lbs. sounds ok for a single person who doesn't have 4 children and a husband a long with an endless list of chores. So this week I've decided to change eating habits. Not dieting because clearly I can't stick to that. And I know its not a miracle weight loss solution, that's not what I'm looking for though. I'm just wanting to eat better. So for lunches I'm eating what the kids eat, minus the chips, this includes a simple sandwich of ham and cheese, a little bit of mayo(because I can't eat a dry sandwich), pb&j, etc. today is a chicken strip on top of salad greens and a tsp of ranch. Yea...a tsp of ranch! Can I just say I hate salad? Lol seriously unless it's loaded with crap I can't stand it. But I'm bound to be healthy if not skinny so I grin and bare it. we'll see how this goes...earlier this week I was 189 and today I'm 187.6, so maybe it's working...maybe. Just gotta stick with it I suppose...

Been awhile...

...Since Ive blogged or talked to anyone really other than family. These past couple months have been extremely rough and most days I question how I'm going to make it to the next. And of course it all started on my birthday. That's the last time I heard my dad's voice, well that's the last time I heard him and he sounded ok, healthy even. No wait, that was the day before my birthday, like he knew he wouldn't get the chance and called me a day early to sing happy birthday to me. On my birthday he went to the hospital for the last time. He spent most of that week in ICU, his potassium levels and a whole bunch of other levels I can't remember, were all way off. The next week the moved him off of ICU which "they don't do unless he's getting better". Yea, he didn't get better. He got worse. He went home on hospice on Thursday, August 30. I spent that night with him, slept in his bed with him, next to his frail body and listened to his raspy breathing all night. The next morning he was up and about all morning, with assistance of course. And I of course was the only one strong enough to care or him, and the only one with any medical experience to know what I was doing. So I helped him shower, go to the bathroom, all that good stuff. And continued to do so for the next 3 days. Fortunately I have an amazing husband to take care of my kids so that I could do this. Sunday dad seemed ok, he was up ALL day and I missed my kids so I made the decision to go home. And my dad...I could tell he didn't want me to. I could tell he just needed me to be there but he knew I had to go home. The last thing he said to me was "make sure you come back." and of course I was coming back. My intention was to come back that Tuesday. Unfortunately, even though I did come back, he wasn't there.
Mom had called me Monday at 5ish to tell me they'd be reading him his last rites at 7. There was just no way I could make it. I couldnt leave dinner on the stove, I needed to feel like a mom for the day, once again I decided to put my family before my dad. I know that's what he'd have wanted but I still beat myself up over it a lot. A whole lot....Anyhow that night mom called me so I could talk to him. He'd been sleeping all day so she just held the phone to his ear, and I cried, and I begged him to wait till I got back, begged him to still be there so I could see him one last time. The only sound on the other end was his labored breathing, the pain in his breath will resound in my ears for years to come. I know he was listening, I know he tried, but at 3:11am my phone rang; my mom crying saying "he's gone". It was the worst thing Id ever heard. I never thought my heart could hurt so much. I never thought I'd love my dad so much.
The funeral was that Friday in a small cemetery in the middle of no where. He has a nice little spot near a creek and he'll certainly be left alone like he wanted to be. We'll go see him soon, sometime around Thanksgiving, and I'll cry, and my kids will see me hurt, and I hate that but I want them to be there with me. If it werent for them, and my husband I would never have made it through this. My dad was one of my best friends. Losing him was losing my confidant, the person I could call when everyone in the world had pissed me off and he'd listen, and he always had a solution or something funny to say to make it better. Now all I have is a voicemail, a happy, healthy sounding voicemail from the 10th of August hoping I was having fun in Vegas. If I'm having a rough day and the world seems to be crashing down on all sides of me, I call my voicemail. Maybe that's silly and childish, but I need to be able to hear him.
It's been awhile since I've been ok and able to spend some time on my thoughts. I'm finally ready to start talking about it with more people and not just my mom or husband. I may need to post more in the next week or so about this, just to get it off my chest so bare with me.