Paranoid me

So I'm a little freakish...ok maybe a lot freakish. I don't really know why or how this started, and maybe it's always been this way. I mean I did cry every first day of school until 2nd grade, so yea it's probably just a life long thing. Anyhow let's list the ways I'm a little...abnormal...1) I hate going anywhere I won't know someone. This includes job interviews, craft fairs, classes, kids school(getting better about this), sometimes doctors offices, baby showers, weddings(the last two I usually only know the host and that freaks me out, who am I gonna talk to?!), and probably many other places. 2)I HATE calling businesses, customer support I'm usually ok, calling a lawyer, setting up services like electricity, or asking about a bill, sometimes calling the doctor for an appointment if I don't really know if it's necessary, things like that. I sometimes make josh call kids in sick to school because I get nervous to do it myself, like I'll get in trouble...it's weird I know! 3) I fear letting my kids play outside alone. Deathly afraid of it. The oldest is almost 7, I played outside by myself at that age, crossed the street, etc...not my kids. If I can't see them out the window I go on a hunt. Who know what will happen?! 4) I fear people in general, anywhere from the maintenance guy to the parks and rec people. If I'm alone with the kids and I'm afraid someone will attack me leave my kids stranded and alone. Better yet, I'm afraid they'll take my kid while my back is turned and I won't be able to catch them. my doors are always locked, which actually didn't start till Josh started saying something about it. Now I'm afraid someone will walk in while I'm in the bathroom or something. I'm crazy..maybe...I don't know, I don't watch the news because it's always bad, not do I read the paper. And the only articles I do read are when people post them on fb usually those are horror stories of some sort too. I only really watch sci-fy or doctor shows so I know it doesnt stem from that. I don't know, paranoid, delusional, it's something weird. Josh laughs at me which doesnt help. But honestly, if this world wasnt so f*d up maybe some of my fears would be non existent. The phone call thing...I don't know how to get over that. I'll probably just stay crazy :). Am I the only weirdo out there? Oh here's some cute pics from the park yesterday in which I thought the parks and rec guy might decide to suffocate us with the trash bags he was using to change the trash cans...yea I'm paranoid!

Eating healthy?!

I really struggle with weight, not maintaining it, I can maintain my semi unhealthy status all on my own, but losing it is a struggle. I literally have to work out every day for 45 minutes a day, eat 1200 calories or less and absolutely no sugar for a week just to lose a couple lbs. sounds ok for a single person who doesn't have 4 children and a husband a long with an endless list of chores. So this week I've decided to change eating habits. Not dieting because clearly I can't stick to that. And I know its not a miracle weight loss solution, that's not what I'm looking for though. I'm just wanting to eat better. So for lunches I'm eating what the kids eat, minus the chips, this includes a simple sandwich of ham and cheese, a little bit of mayo(because I can't eat a dry sandwich), pb&j, etc. today is a chicken strip on top of salad greens and a tsp of ranch. Yea...a tsp of ranch! Can I just say I hate salad? Lol seriously unless it's loaded with crap I can't stand it. But I'm bound to be healthy if not skinny so I grin and bare it. we'll see how this goes...earlier this week I was 189 and today I'm 187.6, so maybe it's working...maybe. Just gotta stick with it I suppose...