Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Body image

I've gotta say this because it drives me crazy. I've had pretty serious body dimorphism since after my 3rd kid was born. Throughout high school and the couple years after, I was relatively thin. Like wore a size 5 (probably smaller if I didn't have a butt), weighed btwn 115 and 125, and nearly 5'8". A year ago when I started working out I was pushing a size 16!! And weighed about 195lbs! I didn't realize I was gaining so much weight until Christmas when I realized I was clearly bigger than everyone else in photos. I cried a lot about and decided to make a change. While I've lost 15ish lbs(doesn't seem like a lot I know but I've got some muscle to show for it) I still have huge issues with how I look. For example, when I stand you can clearly see that I have some abs and even have a decent set of obliques which I didn't even know what those were for a long long time. However, when my mother of 4 body which had gotten over 230lbs with its last pregnancy, sits down, it looks like I overly indulge in cake, chips, soda...crap. But I don't. I won't lie, I'm not perfect, I enjoy my treats, but I have my limits and I don't pig out. I actually eat relatively well, and eat clean probably 75% of the time. But I tell ya, the sag is just gonna be there. And honestly, even if I lose what I want to I don't foresee it going anywhere. I hate it. Ab and core work does do a lot for you but when I get to 160 like I want, that will be a 70+lb weight loss, I can't imagine things will look better for me when I sit. Maybe I just need to stand for the rest of my life because if I hate how I look in photos I can't imagine what I look like irl....and then again, maybe Im mental and look great to the general population?!

I've posted a couple of pics to give an example. These are post breakfast so I'm a little full but you get the idea.

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