Paranoid me

So I'm a little freakish...ok maybe a lot freakish. I don't really know why or how this started, and maybe it's always been this way. I mean I did cry every first day of school until 2nd grade, so yea it's probably just a life long thing. Anyhow let's list the ways I'm a little...abnormal...1) I hate going anywhere I won't know someone. This includes job interviews, craft fairs, classes, kids school(getting better about this), sometimes doctors offices, baby showers, weddings(the last two I usually only know the host and that freaks me out, who am I gonna talk to?!), and probably many other places. 2)I HATE calling businesses, customer support I'm usually ok, calling a lawyer, setting up services like electricity, or asking about a bill, sometimes calling the doctor for an appointment if I don't really know if it's necessary, things like that. I sometimes make josh call kids in sick to school because I get nervous to do it myself, like I'll get in trouble...it's weird I know! 3) I fear letting my kids play outside alone. Deathly afraid of it. The oldest is almost 7, I played outside by myself at that age, crossed the street, etc...not my kids. If I can't see them out the window I go on a hunt. Who know what will happen?! 4) I fear people in general, anywhere from the maintenance guy to the parks and rec people. If I'm alone with the kids and I'm afraid someone will attack me leave my kids stranded and alone. Better yet, I'm afraid they'll take my kid while my back is turned and I won't be able to catch them. my doors are always locked, which actually didn't start till Josh started saying something about it. Now I'm afraid someone will walk in while I'm in the bathroom or something. I'm crazy..maybe...I don't know, I don't watch the news because it's always bad, not do I read the paper. And the only articles I do read are when people post them on fb usually those are horror stories of some sort too. I only really watch sci-fy or doctor shows so I know it doesnt stem from that. I don't know, paranoid, delusional, it's something weird. Josh laughs at me which doesnt help. But honestly, if this world wasnt so f*d up maybe some of my fears would be non existent. The phone call thing...I don't know how to get over that. I'll probably just stay crazy :). Am I the only weirdo out there? Oh here's some cute pics from the park yesterday in which I thought the parks and rec guy might decide to suffocate us with the trash bags he was using to change the trash cans...yea I'm paranoid!

Eating healthy?!

I really struggle with weight, not maintaining it, I can maintain my semi unhealthy status all on my own, but losing it is a struggle. I literally have to work out every day for 45 minutes a day, eat 1200 calories or less and absolutely no sugar for a week just to lose a couple lbs. sounds ok for a single person who doesn't have 4 children and a husband a long with an endless list of chores. So this week I've decided to change eating habits. Not dieting because clearly I can't stick to that. And I know its not a miracle weight loss solution, that's not what I'm looking for though. I'm just wanting to eat better. So for lunches I'm eating what the kids eat, minus the chips, this includes a simple sandwich of ham and cheese, a little bit of mayo(because I can't eat a dry sandwich), pb&j, etc. today is a chicken strip on top of salad greens and a tsp of ranch. Yea...a tsp of ranch! Can I just say I hate salad? Lol seriously unless it's loaded with crap I can't stand it. But I'm bound to be healthy if not skinny so I grin and bare it. we'll see how this goes...earlier this week I was 189 and today I'm 187.6, so maybe it's working...maybe. Just gotta stick with it I suppose...

Been awhile...

...Since Ive blogged or talked to anyone really other than family. These past couple months have been extremely rough and most days I question how I'm going to make it to the next. And of course it all started on my birthday. That's the last time I heard my dad's voice, well that's the last time I heard him and he sounded ok, healthy even. No wait, that was the day before my birthday, like he knew he wouldn't get the chance and called me a day early to sing happy birthday to me. On my birthday he went to the hospital for the last time. He spent most of that week in ICU, his potassium levels and a whole bunch of other levels I can't remember, were all way off. The next week the moved him off of ICU which "they don't do unless he's getting better". Yea, he didn't get better. He got worse. He went home on hospice on Thursday, August 30. I spent that night with him, slept in his bed with him, next to his frail body and listened to his raspy breathing all night. The next morning he was up and about all morning, with assistance of course. And I of course was the only one strong enough to care or him, and the only one with any medical experience to know what I was doing. So I helped him shower, go to the bathroom, all that good stuff. And continued to do so for the next 3 days. Fortunately I have an amazing husband to take care of my kids so that I could do this. Sunday dad seemed ok, he was up ALL day and I missed my kids so I made the decision to go home. And my dad...I could tell he didn't want me to. I could tell he just needed me to be there but he knew I had to go home. The last thing he said to me was "make sure you come back." and of course I was coming back. My intention was to come back that Tuesday. Unfortunately, even though I did come back, he wasn't there.
Mom had called me Monday at 5ish to tell me they'd be reading him his last rites at 7. There was just no way I could make it. I couldnt leave dinner on the stove, I needed to feel like a mom for the day, once again I decided to put my family before my dad. I know that's what he'd have wanted but I still beat myself up over it a lot. A whole lot....Anyhow that night mom called me so I could talk to him. He'd been sleeping all day so she just held the phone to his ear, and I cried, and I begged him to wait till I got back, begged him to still be there so I could see him one last time. The only sound on the other end was his labored breathing, the pain in his breath will resound in my ears for years to come. I know he was listening, I know he tried, but at 3:11am my phone rang; my mom crying saying "he's gone". It was the worst thing Id ever heard. I never thought my heart could hurt so much. I never thought I'd love my dad so much.
The funeral was that Friday in a small cemetery in the middle of no where. He has a nice little spot near a creek and he'll certainly be left alone like he wanted to be. We'll go see him soon, sometime around Thanksgiving, and I'll cry, and my kids will see me hurt, and I hate that but I want them to be there with me. If it werent for them, and my husband I would never have made it through this. My dad was one of my best friends. Losing him was losing my confidant, the person I could call when everyone in the world had pissed me off and he'd listen, and he always had a solution or something funny to say to make it better. Now all I have is a voicemail, a happy, healthy sounding voicemail from the 10th of August hoping I was having fun in Vegas. If I'm having a rough day and the world seems to be crashing down on all sides of me, I call my voicemail. Maybe that's silly and childish, but I need to be able to hear him.
It's been awhile since I've been ok and able to spend some time on my thoughts. I'm finally ready to start talking about it with more people and not just my mom or husband. I may need to post more in the next week or so about this, just to get it off my chest so bare with me.

National Lampoons got it wrong

Thursday we flew out of Grand Island and flew to Vegas for a few days with a wonderful group of friends. We pretty much expected it to be an expensive trip and never intended to gamble too much, which I stayed under $20, Josh was about $50, not bad at all. Anyhow, when you picture Vegas you can only picture it the way you see it on tv, I usually picture the way National Lampoons showed it, it is so not that way. First of all, you don't have camera crews to clear the crowds of people out of your way so you have to shuffle through all the weirdos, the smellies, the overly dressed, and the kids...yes the kids!! Who brings their toddlers to Vegas?! Second, there was maybe 2 cars even worth gambling for. I mean a car is a car I know, but even the cars I consider worthy of my money were Mustangs, no Corvettes or drop tops of any sort. Then there's the drinks, umm I gambled and NEVER got a drink!! Never!! I paid for each an every $6 beer until the last night when the bar was serving $3 drinks, I can handle that. Fortunately they have these nifty joints throughout the city in which you can refill your cup with delicious icy alcoholic drinks,$9 for 32oz, again not bad! Although I recommend a mug or cup, not one of those long skinny drinks with a straw. A)there's no lid, b)its kind of a hassle to walk around with, and c) it's not likely you'll bring it home. I like souvenirs so I spent the few extra dollars to have a neat little car mug I could take home.

                                             

 

Ok let's talk location. We stayed at the Stratosphere. I was pretty impressed. Plenty to do, lots of shops and dinning, and plenty of gambling as well. Plus the rooms were nice. We were on a non-smoking floor but I'm pretty sure there was someone smoking near us as I could smell it every now and again. Now if you have no other plans, stay there, however if you want to walk the strip...dont!! Sure there's the tram but you have to walk a mile to get there, not bad if you go in the morning, but once you've walked the strip all day you'll dread walking back to the hotel. However hanging out in the salt water pool the next day totally makes up for it, there's a bar, cute little waitresses passing out sample shots, floaties, volleyball net in the water, cabanas, and more. Oh and sun, there's plenty of sun, I got quite red the 2 hours I was outside Saturday afternoon. I'd definitely stay again if I didn't intend to go anywhere else.

                                                                   

 

All in all, I think we had a pretty good time. It was nice to get away from the kids for awhile and do adult things, drink all day, and not have to change ANY diapers. Josh did piss me off one morning over breakfast but I was over it after swimming for a little while. But if you want to have a lot of fun make sure you bring a lot of money. My biggest regret was not saving enough to see shows or go gambling. And take friends that like to have the same kind of fun you do. We had a pretty great bunch with us this trip and I'd totally go again with them. So thanks Johnson and Gowin's families for being an amazing bunch!! 

End of the Season!!

Love Scentsy, I don't know if I'll ever not love Scentsy, and REALLY love Scentsy when everything goes on sale for a month!! This month, 10% off everything (with a few exclusions). Plus this months warmer and scent of the month are amazing, also both 10% off!! https://mamasully.scentsy.us/Scentsy/Home

Continue your pink pepper journey with
Neverland. Sunny geranium, glowing pink
pepper, and toasty cedar in a deliciously
outdoorsy fragrance.

Whoot!

Also here's the discontinued list for the month! Items may or may not return next spring.

Grocery shopping plan!!

I'm so sick of going to the grocery store, absolutely sick of it. Every week we go multiple times, usually i forget something or I just don't take the time to figure out what I need before going so right now I'm making a huge list, huge!! of things we don't have, are almost out of, meals to eat, things that I can reuse and for what meals (flour, sugar, etc), how many of each I need for the month, and what I have in coupons so I can save a little money. I just printed off $22 in savings, that's not a whole lot when it comes to a family of 4 but we need to start somewhere! I don't have time to sift through sale ads and see who has what for the cheapest (if anyone wants to do it for me, please, be my guest). I also don't want to go to 5 different stores so I have my one stop shop, Wally World, down the street. It has better prices than most place I go to, although Baker's does have a shoppers card I get confused in that store and they don't carry everything I want/need. Anyhow, here's the sources I've been using for coupons...actually, here's my pin from pinterest of sources that I use for coupons :) http://www.crystalandcomp.com/coupon-resources/ lots and lots and lots of places to go.LOTS!!!

Heat advisory skillet chili

Maybe I'm a little nuts for craving chili in the summer but I did, and actually do quite often. I get tired of "summer meals" pretty quickly. Tonight after forgetting for 2 days to start the crockpot I gave up and just made some in the skillet. It's simple, and still a one dish meal so I'm ok with that.
What ya need:
5qt skillet
1lb hamburger
1 big can of chili beans
1cup (or more of you want more spice and veggies I limit it for the kids)
1 tsp chili powder
1tsp crushed garlic flakes

Brown your burger, drain if you need to. I use the 93/7 burger so I leave the grease because I'm lazy ;). Add your chili beans and salsa, stir then add your spices and stir again (duh right?!). Cover and simmer for about 20-25minutes. Serve with shredded cheddar cheese and crackers.

Mmm lunch!

Seriously dieting here...well I was then 4th of July hit and beer, good food, aunt flow...I gained a pound. I know it's only 1single pound but it takes a lot for me to lose it. Anyhow back on the bandwagon now. Healthy food, healthy food, healthy food...oooh look cheese balls...healthy food!!!
Today's lunch? Frozen Fajita chicken strips (Market Pantry, cheap and amazingly good) seared in a pan with olive oil, 1/4 cup feta cheese, and 1/2 cup of black grapes on the side! Yum!! This is actually pretty typical of me lately, it's cheap and easy for me. I hate having to think about what I'm going to make and this is pretty good. I switch the fruit out every couple days so I don't get bored.

100 fan Auction

Its been a long first half of the year, started out strong with sales and slowly dwindling. So to keep my fans interested, and of course to get a few new fans I'm going to be doing an auction. The lowest starting bid will be $1, possibly even .50, we'll just see what I can pull out of my hat...err closet. www.facebook.com/navilluscreations 

Changes

I seriously can't work out to Jillian Michaels anymore! She's beefing me up and I don't want to be beefed up!! And I honestly can't look at those other girls muscles anymore, or Jillian for that matter. So this week its pilates, oh my god how I love pilates. I love how tight everything feels when I'm done and my body aches a whole lot less. Who knew I had that kind of balance?! I don't have the flexibility to scissor kick with my knees not bent but I don't care, no one is watching. I love this video http://www.amazon.com/Crunch-Burning-Pilates-Ellen-Barrett/dp/B00009V7QF. There's 3 ladies all doing different levels of exercises, you never have to do all of the same level of course which makes it even better. I was able to skip level 1, did mostly level 2s, and some level 3s (that chick has amazing flexibility!) and since each "routine" is only 10 minutes your 30 minute work out goes super fast. I don't think it burns a ton of calories but it does make you feel better for sure!

Slackin

I haven't had a good workout in almost two weeks. I don't understand why people say its addiction because I hate it. I don't mind doing some things but I'm so damn busy lately working out is the last thing I think about. I wasn't losing weight anyhow so that was discouraging and now I'm dieting, I've lost 3lbs this week. I may pick up working out again this week (in talking myself into it as I sit here). I just don't wanna :( maybe no do Jillian, she's motivating as all hell but I don't want to see her skinny 5'2" ass right now! Good thing Netflix has tons to do or I'd be bored and give up by now.

BBMB July 2012

I know I've been waiting for this foooorr-e-veer. I love BBMB, it's a great time to pick up some oldies but goodies in the Scentsy market. Last winter's choices were "egh", but the summer has me almost lickin my chops. LOOOTS of goodies coming out of the vault for this month only! You don't want to miss it!




Check out my FB page http://www.facebook.com/pages/Tonja-Sullivan-Independent-Scentsy-Consultant/241262155892618?bookmark_t=page for occasional giveaways!

 

Traffic!!!

Currently I live in Omaha, biggest city in Nebraska...impressive I know...so I've been stuck in traffic that can make a 15 minute drive an hour and a half which SUCKS!!! But currently I'm stuck on the interstate for miles and guess what? NO CONSTRUCTION!!! Should've taken the back roads, buuuuttt the fact that the interstate id guaranteed to have open ga stations I told Josh to go that route...grr this is stupid! I swear the midwest is notorious for pointless cones and construction. We've actually been stuck in Tonkawa,OK because a cone punctured our gas tank. We ate gas station food in a roach infested motel with three kids and Spanish television for two days, just to find out there was a comfort inn on the other side of the interstate right next to the auto shop! ..worst vacation ever!!
This is not that kind of vacation thankfully and if we got stuck my mom could come get me. But seriously, one lane at 55mph with a screaming baby who hasn't napped all day?! Not the ideal two hour ride home. Did I mention I'm thirsty? But Whitney Houston is on the radio now so whatever. I cant wait to get home!!!!

Dinner on the road

We don't travel a whole lot except to see family. My family lives an hour away and Josh's lives nearly 2 1/2 hours away. It's always been the thing to just stop at McDonald's or whatever on the way out of town for lunch or dinner. Now that I'm on a pretty strict diet I am trying to avoid stopping for anything, including kids foods. We've been planning this short little jaunt to Josh's dads house for really like a week and started my diet Wednesday so I kind of panicked when I started thinking "what am I supposed to eat?" I knew I was going to have to bring a few of my own foods to keep me on track, but knew if we stopped for kids stuff I was going to be too tempted to not eat what I brought along. So to the drawing bored I went (aka pinterest). There seemed to be few solutions but all seemed either expensive because I didn't have that stuff around the house or the revolved around sticking fast food in a convenient basket. I wanted healthy, and I wanted cheap!! I ended up just going to the store and just looking for something. Figured I'd end up with baggies or something and just pass them out. Get to the "food storage" isle and low and behold ziplock had 2 packs of sectioned reusable containers for a little over $2(still more than I wanted to pay but whatever). Then we grabbed some kid print paper cups, with lids and straws and some life waters to drink.
When I got home I set to work on making dinners since I had 2 hours before we left (if you know me this is pretty good timing). I just used what I had on hand, frozen pb&j(I cheated I know), wheat thin sticks, fruit/granola bars, celery, peanut butter, and a nut mix. Baby got bananas, wheat thins and nuts, he's picky and getting eye teeth right now so barely ate anything :(. However the kids love it and their only complaints were "are we there yet?!", which I'm used to by now. I'll upload more from my camera when we get back.

Oh and as for myself I brought thin bagel with a little cream cheese and Chobani yogurt.

Giveaways

I shoulda posted something before hand. Just had a 75 fan giveaway on Facebook, winner won a custom photo prop or diaper. Will have another "Anything Goes" giveaway at 100 fans!

Week 2

I don't look any different, actually gained 6lbs, then lost it, then gained it again lol. It makes no sense!! Anyhow I'm 2lbs heavier now than when I started which is so discouraging. I don't look much different other than my arms and legs are getting toned. I think I'm going to jump into the second segment. Maybe adding to the intensity will help burn off this additional weight gain.

After workout: OWWW. I thought I was working a lot of muscles already, Jillian seriously knows how to kick butt!! I can power through strength and abs but the cardio needs some serious work!! Tomorrows another day, hopefully it's a little easier. Photo I me completely exhausted. I think my stomach looks less like I'm 5 months pregnant today...

Worrying about the big stuff

I'm up way too late trying to figure out why I'm gaining weight and really stressing considering how hard I'm working out. I'm not changing my diet because a) I don't want to and b) if I do that for 30 days, once 30 day shred is done I'll eat a popsicle and blow up again. Besides that I don't eat bad, I do eat about 1500cal on a daily basis, sometimes more sometimes less so it's not a lot. Anyhow, doing research and seeing people are reducing their body fat percentage and not weight makes me feel good. I don't care about being skinny if I'm still fat. I've seen lots of people who are "skinny" but it's not muscle, when they sit down they are all chub, not the image I want for myself, hence the working out (chub and mommy belly is gross). An I know I have the biggest legs known to man, thoroughbreds would be jealous of the saddlebags lol. Seriously though I already had big legs, now they're big muscley legs, guess that's a good thing. And my arms, oh my arms. I already had broad shoulders, always have, now they have actual muscle in them (not bulky, that's not cute), no cap sleeves for me ever again. Blah, whatever. I'm gonna junk this stupid scale, it pisses me off. I have a couple tape measures and a calculator, I'm gonna concern myself with body fat percentage not BMI or weight because neither of those factors in your actual health.

HOLY CUTENESS!!!

My favorite part of making photo props is seeing them in action. Laying it out on the floor, table, bed, etc, never does anything I make justice. Seeing it being worn and photographed not only shows me that a) I've done a good job, but b) things I have my sizing down pretty well.
Here's a couple of recent pics I've received with my props!

Many thanks to Stephanie and Nicole for their amazing photography skills and for letting me share their work! 

http://www.facebook.com/TimelessMomentsPhotoNE

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Schweitzer-Photography/155214044589601?ref=pb

Day 2

I took yesterday off from working out, my muscles were sore and I'd stayed up too late the night before, the combination seemed to scream "You're gonna hurt yourself!". Today I'm back to it. Feeling better. My legs arent so jiggly and Josh has taken one too many snap shots of my butt on his phone, guess that means its working ;)

Bring it on Jillian

I've been steadily working out for a couple months with no real results because I'm not good at keeping up with it. I've had Jillian Michaels 30 day shred for a while but after 2 days I was in so much pain I just gave up. Now that the muscles have been worked a little from my non-rigorous routine I figured I'd give it another shot. Today is day 1, it was rough, but I got through it and my legs don't feel so stiff, wobbly, but not stiff. Anyhow, this morning after breakfast I was 185, I usually fluctuate between 178-185. I'm hoping to be 165 in 30 days. I'm 5'8" so that's a healthy weight for me and should put me in a size 8/9(I'm a 12 now). We'll see. I'm goin to post weekly on my progress just to keep myself motivated. Below is a picture of me Pre-work out.

Quick breakfast

As a mom of four, one who loathes the moment kids come rouse me out of bed hours before I'm ready because I stayed up too late reading, I need easy breakfasts. Non time consuming ones that I can put together and go lay back on the couch for another 10 minutes or so.
Here's my compilation:
Cheerios;heart healthy, not loaded with sugar, and great for babies!
Toast!; add some peanut butter for protein or do a butter and honey for a sweet treat
Bagels; mini are even funner. Use cream cheese or fruit spread of some sort
Whole wheat frozen waffles; avoid a mess and a sugar high by not serving with syrup. Try peanut butter and raisins instead.
Eggs; we always have eggs, more than we need. I personally love a fried egg. sandwich with two pieces of buttery toasted bread.
Oatmeal; I cheat and buy the flavored stuff. It's not horrible so on this I don't mind indulging the kids.
Serve everything with fruit and a small glass of milk. By serving such fruits as an apple or proteins like eggs with breakfast you are keeping your kiddos full and not Asking for lunch in an hour. Breakfast really is the most important meal of the day and I like to make sure my kids are prepared for the day even if I'm not ready for it :)

Too hot?!

It's the beginning of June and already well over 90. Im the biggest whiner when it comes to heat. I'm pale, don't tan, and rarely get burned because I don't go outside in the summer. This means play time for us is restricted to the pool or short park trips. So since the kids would be extremely bored of we didn't learning or workbook pages all the time we let them play video games. I know, I'm a horrible parent. But these aren't normal video games, and it's not vtech either. Instead they play MineCraft. It's basically a game where you "mine" items to make new ones. You mine wood, make a work bench, mine some more wood(cutting down trees) and make an ax, mine coal make a fire...so on and so on. On top of that it's like playing Legos. The kids build houses out of stone or wood, dig a whole surround it with a brick wall and fill it with water for a well....I mean these kids are in love with the game. They play it on easy so there's no bad things in the night, but if you're mom or dad playing you can set it on hard where there are monsters, zombies(creepers as they are called), and more lurking around at night or in the underground mines. It's actually just a game for my kids to use their imaginations and build whatever the want. My daughter loves building sky houses where you have to walk up thousands of stairs to get inside the actual house(she's 6 1/2), my son is one who likes to dig holes as deep as possible and find his way out (he's 5) but both love the game, and since it's free...Egh, why not?!